Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Zombies, What Else?

Who doesn't love a good zombie attack. I know I certainly do. If you love zombies or just interesting fiction and tales of dystopia, check out an interesting project here.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Pre-Summer Movies

How about a bulk-review kind of day. I have seen a number of movies of late. None of them so terrific, or so awful, that I felt the need to give them their own post. The exception would be The Avengers, of course, but at this point, with the millions of words that have been written about the film, what more can I possibly add to the conversation. I loved every frame, every second of The Avengers. It's rare for me to say but the truth is I wouldn't change a single thing about it. It was pure Hollywood magic at its best. And so terrific is Robert Downey that he steals every scene he is in from actors that are, in themselves, no slouches. I'm sure you have all seen it by now. Moving on.

At a recent viewing of Dark Shadows, a movie that was just OK for me, I saw a preview for a film that is quite certainly going to be one of the worst, if not the worst, film ever made: Step Up Revolution. Seriously, I thought it was a gag. People in the audience actually elbowed each other and laughed throughout the preview. I can't do justice to its awfulness. Go to YouTube and check out the trailer. I refuse to link to it here for fear it will make the whole blog smell like farts and desperate, sweaty dancers dying dreams. "Now we dance for a cause," one of the non-descript actresses said, with a straight face. We all howled. Seriously, someone greenlight that project. Someone who makes more money than you or I and works in the Dream Factory that is Hollywood. Someone either stupid or someone that says "Screw art and standards! The market research says a percentage of teenage girls will be dumb enough to plunk down 10 bucks for this!" Screw that guy, whoever he is.

As for Dark Shadows what can I say. I have a real weak spot for Johnny Depp. I can't say how much I enjoyed Sweeney Todd. Seriously, I can't say how much because if my friends found out. Let's just say the locker room at the gym would feel awkward for a while. But Dark Shadows was pretty meh for me. Highly stylized, as one would expect from Burton, and high energy as you would expect from Depp. It had some pretty funny moments but overall it's just…..missing something. The movie confused me a little. Most often I can say exactly why I loved, hated or remained indifferent to a film but Dark Shadows….I just can't put my finger on it. The story was a little weak for me, but not absent. Nothing wrong with any of the acting. Well directed, obviously. Just something not right. The tension between Victoria and Barnabas was a little underwhelming. It's frustrating and I really wish I could say why I was a little disappointed. Maybe in the comments some of you can help me out with this one.

Snow White and the Huntsman. This one I just loved. First of all the movie was just gorgeous. I know it wasn't Disney but when you see some of the fantast scenes you're going to think "Hey! This is Disney magic at it's best." Just beautiful. Speaking of gorgeous, Kristen Stewart turns in a really solid performance. I know, I know, she has a lot of haters out there. I'll never understand that. Have you seen the Runaways? She's talented, has range, she's hot. What more do you want? Yeah she starred in some teenage vampire flick that everyone loves to hate but you know what? Tough shit. What actress in her right mind could have turned down that role. Give her a break. If not for that role you would never have heard of her. It gave her the ability to create a body of work and move on to better, more challenging projects. Unless you can tell me that you would honestly have passed on a role in a sure-fire slam dunk blockbuster than you have to cut her some slack. Watch Snow White and tell me she doesn't hit all the right notes. From abused damsel in distress, to confused wanderer of the woods, to pissed off warrior woman, Stewart nails the character.

And Chris Hemsworth is….well, he's Chris Hemsworth. He is pretty much Thor here without the superpowers. I like him, don't get me wrong, he is very likeable and charismatic on-screen. But he is, to me anyway, in danger of being a one trick pony. He's a big, larger than life Viking kind of dude. He swills mead and beats the crap out of people. I don't know, hopefully he isn't type cast and forgotten because I do enjoy him. To be fair the role, as it was written, didn't give him much else to do.

The highlights are the tremendous visual effects and Stewart. It's a fun, dark kind of fairy tale and I enjoyed the ride. And the dwarfs. Seeing a tiny Ian McShane—wow was that fun. I know the dwarfs are all up in arms that real dwarfs weren't cast, but honestly; try to make a movie these days without offending someone. If you haven't seen it yet, go now. You won't be disappointed.

Last, and certainly least, is Chernobyl Diaries. What a complete fucking waste of a fantastically original concept. I mean the location, a haunted, abandoned town outside of Chernobyl. How do you fuck that up? Well start by advertising it like a creative, interesting ghost story and then turning it into a "done a million God damned times" flick about irradiated freaks. It was like The Hills Have Eyes 3. But worse. I mean. Look, I love horror movies. All kinds. Paranormal Activity? Hell Yes. Halloween? God yes. All kinds. But this film, to me, was misrepresented from the get go. Had I known it was about a bunch of morons who seem to be TRYING to get themselves killed being chased by irradiated mutants you never actually see for more than a single eye-blink, I would have waited for video. I don't even know where to start. It's the anti-Avengers. I can't find a single decent thing to say about it. There is nothing I WOULDN'T have changed. As the esteemed Harry Knowles once said "This movie took a giant steaming shit on my eyes." Indeed. If you see this film in a RedBox somewhere tip the machine over and save people dumber than you from having to view it.

That about does it for today. Coming up on my must see list will be Dark Knight Rises (duh), Prometheus, Brave and That's My Boy. Yeah, I have a soft spot for Sandler. What of it?