Since I seemed to come down anti-remake in that last post I thought I might share with you my list of movies that would benefit from a remake, in my humble opinion. Why? Because they were just so close to being good the first time or the special effects don’t hold up, maybe a particular actor or actress just sucked in it—it happens. Most of these movies, to be truthful, I have fond memories of as a kid. And unfortunately, as with many of our childhood memories, they just aren’t as good as I recall them being. They’re still fun to me, sentimentally, but they also have potential to be better. They wouldn’t be on the list for purely sentimental reasons, there has to be more than that, but I can’t just ignore my attachment to these films. In a lot of ways they helped form the viewer I am today.
So here is my list of 10 movies that deserve another shot:
10. Pumpkinhead
Why? Because there was a nugget of a good horror film in there with a decent enough story, wrapped in some cool myths; a good enough story that you might have thought it was from a decent Wes Craven film had you not known better. Directed by Stan Winston, better known for his makeup work, the film was not so low budget that it would remind you of a straight to DVD but it wasn’t a special effects bonanza either. Let’s face it, you know a movie is poorly acted when the IMDB credits feature only 2 actors with headshots! This movie was good enough to attract a following but didn’t because…of the stupid fucking name. I attribute this movies lack of cult status to an epic marketing fail and I think a remake with a nice budget and actors that aren’t extras on whatever shitty Jimmy Smitts show is failing currently would make a huge difference.
9. Night of the Comet
I know, for some of you this is sacrilege. But here’s the thing, cult classic or no, the special effects are bad enough at this point to be distracting. Yeah, I like the cast, love the story, it was beautifully directed and cheezily low budget, nearly perfect popcorn movie fare in all ways. But having recently watched it again, for the 500th time, the effects need a revamp. If I could trust Hollywood enough to just ramp up the effects work and not fuck with the story this would be number one on the list.
8. Critters
Come on, you loved this gem, admit it. Didn’t it seem like straight to video movies were better in the 80’s? That they tried a little harder? This movie was fun. It was Gremlins with 0 cute and all bad ass. The possibilities are endless! Billy Zane, Dee Wallace, what more do you need for a classic 80’s flick? Remake this, modernize the effects and give me some cameos from the original and some better Critters, you’ve got gold. Plus, Director Steven Herek went on to helm Adventures in Babysitting, Bill and Ted and the Mighty Ducks. Give the guy props for nailing 80’s camp. Hell, he may invented it!
7. Cloak and Dagger
A young boy with a dead mother and douchebag father invents a super-spy best friend in his mind, played by Dabney Coleman, and winds up embroiled in a real secret agent story line. This movie plays on that 11 year-old in all of us that wants to be James Bond and it’s so much fun. I can never get enough of those films that are able to truly peel back the curtain on that magical time when kids have boundless imaginations. It’s always nice to remember that period in your life, when imagination could run wild for hours or days and in your head you could just walk into a story, any story, you could come up with. This film does that so well, it’s touching without being sappy, nostalgic without being cheesy and the acting holds up pretty well. I think it might be a little bit dated for todays generation, a little tweaking to the story here and there, update the tech involved and I think todays kids might embrace this like I did. Imagine if Cody Banks had heart. And acting. And story. You get the idea. Toughest call here would be replacing Dabney Coleman, I always loved that guy and he’s terrific in this.
6. House of Fears
Yeah, I know, I know, you never heard of it. That’s the beauty of Nextflix instant view: You can take a chance on a little known movie with no risk other than your time. I’ve uncovered a few gems like this one using Netflix. But House of Fears, directed by Ryan Little, whoever that is, only came out in 2007. So, why remake it? Because they missed it by that much!
So close. Fun, campy, Halloween night style movie. If it was done just a little differently this is one I could pull off the shelf once a year, light the pumpkins and turn off the lights. But a story, that myth or legend that good horror movies play off, was just undeveloped and some really unfortunate directorial choices just sunk a movie that had good cheesy scare potential. Watch it and you’ll say “Man, I could have really loved this but they screwed it up.” At some points in the film the direction is so bad you’ll be looking at the description to see if it was made for TV. There’s a shitty, ham fisted back-story for one of the main characters that needs fleshing out. But it was soooo close to being good. In a lot of ways it reminds me of My Soul To Take, close but no cigar. I say give it a better director and let a decent writer make a few changes and you’ve got Halloween fun here.
5. Firefox
One of the few times, if not the only time, you’ll see a Clint Eastwood film and think it could have been a little bit better. I think it’s high time to reintroduce the Russians back into film as the wily villains and this movie could do it. It had cold war intrigue, awesome tech (for the time) and a nice spy element that was more tough guy than spook. Like 25% Rambo and 25% James Bond and 50% Dirty Harry.
But in hindsight some parts of this movie are a little poorly paced, I think some scenes could have been removed altogether, and the tech needs updating. Still, if you wanted to remake a movie into a good old fashioned East meets West cold war style intrigue film this could be done well. And normally I would never advocate replacing Eastwood but he wasn’t so great in this one that his shoes couldn’t be filled.
4. Blue Thunder
John Badham directed this little known gem the same year he gave us War Games. Starring Roy Scheider, another actor I always had a soft spot for, as Frank Murhpy, test pilot for the experimental Blue Thunder.
As Murphy uncovers the real reason the helicopter exists and overhears some sinister backroom dealings he begins pulling at the threads of a conspiracy that reaches the top and brings the assassins in droves. It’s one of the 80’s best stories of intrigue and governmental corruption with the beloved actor from Jaws. Slam dunk. Remake it why again? Daniel Stern for one. He’s out of water in a serious role and good luck not imagining him in Wonder Years the whole time. Juice up the effects, freshen up the tech and do it again. It’s really a terrific movie that would benefit from a facelift.
3. Witchboard
Yeah, the one with the hot chick from the White Snake video. And that right there tells you why it should be remade. Really scary story, pretty competently directed. Low budget and some of the worst acting in history. I say recast it, inject a little cash and you have a horror better than 90% of what passes for it today.
2. Runaway
It’s the future and robots do everything! They answer the door, do the dishes, plow the fields and, occasionally, go haywire and kill everybody.
I loved it as a kid. I also thought Cynthia Rhodes was crazy hot. What can I say, it was the 80’s. Kirstie Alley was in it when she was skinny. And sane. Gene Simmons as a villain. Cool stuff. But truthfully, other than Tom Selleck, the acting's pretty piss poor, the effects don’t hold up and even John Travolta could camp his way into a better bad guy than Simmons. Yes, I know that this cautionary tale of what happens when people begin to rely on technology too much has been done before. It’s the intentional sabotage that’s sort of clever. Especially because the bad guy has little to gain here, he’s basically a high-tech sociopath. I say new actors and better effects and we have a winner.
1. My Deadly Friend
I absolutely loved this movie when I was young and I still do. Ann Ramsey and Kristie Swanson in a Wes Craven movie. It couldn’t miss.
This is an awesome story of what happens when a brilliant young Doogie Howser type turns into a mad scientist and of the dumb things a young guy will do when he falls for the hot blonde next door.
Craven takes his usual abusive stepfather character to the next level when Pauls (Matthew Laborteaux) neighbor, and object of his young lust, is killed by her stepfather. So Paul does what any young genius would: He implants a chip in her corpse and turns her into a murderous robot. With a remote control.
Yeah, it’s pretty much Frankenstein with a twist, but Ann Ramseys gets her head crushed with a basketball! OK, this is a nostalgia choice, I admit it. But come on, Craven did something cool here. The settings, the shots, the creepy kid, the guy that wants to be the hero and save his girl but fails miserably. How far he’ll go to protect her. Maybe it was 13 year old me, but I loved every second of this. On repeated viewing it clearly needs some special effects work and an acting upgrade. But there’s enough here to make a good, scary, hormone infused horror movie here. And let’s be fair, a lot of 80’s horror, even the revered Elm Street, had a lower than needed budget and featured effects that don’t stand up. That alone isnt a reason to remake a movie but when the effects are truly holding a movie back from being something better than you gotta consider it.
My Deadly Friend is such a movie. The effects and the acting hurt it but there is definitely something worth saving here.
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