Zombies, What Else?

Who doesn't love a good zombie attack. I know I certainly do. If you love zombies or just interesting fiction and tales of dystopia, check out an interesting project here.

Pre-Summer Movies

How about a bulk-review kind of day. I have seen a number of movies of late. None of them so terrific, or so awful, that I felt the need to give them their own post. The exception would be The Avengers, of course, but at this point, with the millions of words that have been written about the film, what more can I possibly add to the conversation. I loved every frame, every second of The Avengers. It's rare for me to say but the truth is I wouldn't change a single thing about it. It was pure Hollywood magic at its best. And so terrific is Robert Downey that he steals every scene he is in from actors that are, in themselves, no slouches. I'm sure you have all seen it by now. Moving on.

At a recent viewing of Dark Shadows, a movie that was just OK for me, I saw a preview for a film that is quite certainly going to be one of the worst, if not the worst, film ever made: Step Up Revolution. Seriously, I thought it was a gag. People in the audience actually elbowed each other and laughed throughout the preview. I can't do justice to its awfulness. Go to YouTube and check out the trailer. I refuse to link to it here for fear it will make the whole blog smell like farts and desperate, sweaty dancers dying dreams. "Now we dance for a cause," one of the non-descript actresses said, with a straight face. We all howled. Seriously, someone greenlight that project. Someone who makes more money than you or I and works in the Dream Factory that is Hollywood. Someone either stupid or someone that says "Screw art and standards! The market research says a percentage of teenage girls will be dumb enough to plunk down 10 bucks for this!" Screw that guy, whoever he is.

As for Dark Shadows what can I say. I have a real weak spot for Johnny Depp. I can't say how much I enjoyed Sweeney Todd. Seriously, I can't say how much because if my friends found out. Let's just say the locker room at the gym would feel awkward for a while. But Dark Shadows was pretty meh for me. Highly stylized, as one would expect from Burton, and high energy as you would expect from Depp. It had some pretty funny moments but overall it's just…..missing something. The movie confused me a little. Most often I can say exactly why I loved, hated or remained indifferent to a film but Dark Shadows….I just can't put my finger on it. The story was a little weak for me, but not absent. Nothing wrong with any of the acting. Well directed, obviously. Just something not right. The tension between Victoria and Barnabas was a little underwhelming. It's frustrating and I really wish I could say why I was a little disappointed. Maybe in the comments some of you can help me out with this one.

Snow White and the Huntsman. This one I just loved. First of all the movie was just gorgeous. I know it wasn't Disney but when you see some of the fantast scenes you're going to think "Hey! This is Disney magic at it's best." Just beautiful. Speaking of gorgeous, Kristen Stewart turns in a really solid performance. I know, I know, she has a lot of haters out there. I'll never understand that. Have you seen the Runaways? She's talented, has range, she's hot. What more do you want? Yeah she starred in some teenage vampire flick that everyone loves to hate but you know what? Tough shit. What actress in her right mind could have turned down that role. Give her a break. If not for that role you would never have heard of her. It gave her the ability to create a body of work and move on to better, more challenging projects. Unless you can tell me that you would honestly have passed on a role in a sure-fire slam dunk blockbuster than you have to cut her some slack. Watch Snow White and tell me she doesn't hit all the right notes. From abused damsel in distress, to confused wanderer of the woods, to pissed off warrior woman, Stewart nails the character.

And Chris Hemsworth is….well, he's Chris Hemsworth. He is pretty much Thor here without the superpowers. I like him, don't get me wrong, he is very likeable and charismatic on-screen. But he is, to me anyway, in danger of being a one trick pony. He's a big, larger than life Viking kind of dude. He swills mead and beats the crap out of people. I don't know, hopefully he isn't type cast and forgotten because I do enjoy him. To be fair the role, as it was written, didn't give him much else to do.

The highlights are the tremendous visual effects and Stewart. It's a fun, dark kind of fairy tale and I enjoyed the ride. And the dwarfs. Seeing a tiny Ian McShane—wow was that fun. I know the dwarfs are all up in arms that real dwarfs weren't cast, but honestly; try to make a movie these days without offending someone. If you haven't seen it yet, go now. You won't be disappointed.

Last, and certainly least, is Chernobyl Diaries. What a complete fucking waste of a fantastically original concept. I mean the location, a haunted, abandoned town outside of Chernobyl. How do you fuck that up? Well start by advertising it like a creative, interesting ghost story and then turning it into a "done a million God damned times" flick about irradiated freaks. It was like The Hills Have Eyes 3. But worse. I mean. Look, I love horror movies. All kinds. Paranormal Activity? Hell Yes. Halloween? God yes. All kinds. But this film, to me, was misrepresented from the get go. Had I known it was about a bunch of morons who seem to be TRYING to get themselves killed being chased by irradiated mutants you never actually see for more than a single eye-blink, I would have waited for video. I don't even know where to start. It's the anti-Avengers. I can't find a single decent thing to say about it. There is nothing I WOULDN'T have changed. As the esteemed Harry Knowles once said "This movie took a giant steaming shit on my eyes." Indeed. If you see this film in a RedBox somewhere tip the machine over and save people dumber than you from having to view it.

That about does it for today. Coming up on my must see list will be Dark Knight Rises (duh), Prometheus, Brave and That's My Boy. Yeah, I have a soft spot for Sandler. What of it?

 

Skyfall and Product Placements in Film

Now we know that when James Bond returns in Skyfall he will be drinking a Heineken. I have no idea if this means he will be eschewing his traditional martinis entirely or if the beer is a one-time only exception. What I do know is that this is going to drive some Bond purists crazy. And frankly, I am having trouble blaming them.

The deal Heineken struck to have their product featured in the film is hardly the first time that product placement has been used in films; Bond films in particular have been doing this for decades with watches, cars etc.. The problem here is that it just feels a little more invasive. When you’re fundamentally altering a character, especially a long running and revered character, you’re sort of asking for some blow back.

The question here, for me at least, is when is this sort of thing going to backfire? Product placements on television are so pervasive you probably don’t even notice them much anymore. But earlier this season when Subway interrupted Hawaii 5-O for what seemed like a 2 minute commercial viewers took to Twitter and YouTube to poke fun at it. It was the most invasive and clumsy product placement that I have ever seen. If that show wasn’t already a cheesy, steaming pile of poorly written shit I would say that anyone involved should be ashamed. But clearly these guys sold their “art” out long ago or they wouldn’t be cranking out this drivel. If this was a show with some reputation for being intelligent, witty or even respectably compelling I am confident the outrage meter would have spiked.

And that isn’t the only show guilty of hitting you in the face with a product placement. Bones has been shilling Toyota for a while now. At least with Bones the placement is handled a bit more delicately. Like having the car beep, Booth asking what that was and Bones explaining it was the Prius’ anti-collision system—and then the conversation is right back on track.

We’ve all seen these kinds of product placements. I don’t love them, but I understand why they exist. The problem is they seem to be escalating. Years ago it was enough to just have an actor wear a certain watch, drive a certain car or smoke a particular brand.

Today what we have is the product placement being woven into storylines. Breaking the action and now, with Skyfall,, changing the habits of decades old characters.

Video games don’t get off the hook either. There has been talk in recent years of, for example, having the billboards in game cities change now and then as new advertisers come into the picture. Since every gamer these days is online it’s easy to see how this would work. A simple update when you insert the game and you have a fresh set of ads right in the face of a coveted demographic.

My sense of this is that it will be self-correcting. As movies get a little more brazen with the product placements audiences will grow antsy. At the very least I assume we will wonder how this advertising windfall isn’t offsetting skyrocketing ticket prices or 3D rates.

Sooner or later a movie will go too far with it and the practice will be reigned in. I don’t know when but I hope it’s soon. For me the Skyfall intrusion is more than annoying. I am a longtime Bond fan and it just feels wrong to me. I know I have been getting close-ups of his brand of watches and his car brands in recent films, but none of that really changed the movie or the character. This one feels to me like it crossed a boundary of acceptability.

I would love to see what you all think. Leave your comments below.

The Devils Playground

You haven't seen this movie. You've probably never heard of it. Thanks to Netflix Instant I have discovered some hidden gems like this over the last few years and it's my pleasure to share them.

OK, it's not going to win any awards. It's not going to be a cult classic or something you remember in a few days. But...there is SOMETHING about it. Like Road House it's a guilty pleasure. It's just fun. Make some popcorn, turn off the brain, and have fun. And Devils Playground is a somewhat unique take on the whole zombie genera.

So what happens when a bunch of scientists use a benign virus to spread synthetic performance enhancing drugs through your body? And this drug has some, shall we say, unfortunate side affects? You get zombies of course. But not just any zombie. Sure they're fast, something I usually consider an abomination, but in this case there is at least a reasonable explanation. But aside from fast zombies you get zombies that are juiced up on performance enhancing drugs.

That's right. You get zombies doing parkour!

It stars Craig Fairbrass who you have seen before in a number of movies and television shows, including The Unit, Far Cry and Stallone's Cliffhanger. If you're a gaming fan he was a lead voice in Modern Warfare 2. He's a solid actor and, act 6'3, a natural action badass. I don't know why we don't see more of him, I always like him. You also get Danny Dyer in a supporting role. You likely have seen him a few times but he is bigger in England than here in the US. I thought he was pretty good, not that he was asked to do to much.

The premise is fairly straight-forward. A large pharma company moves into the human testing phase of it's synthetic performance enhancer, enlisting 30,000 people to take the drug. Predictably, things go badly. The test subjects get sick, then turn into mindless killing machines. Fast, jump-over-cars-in-one-leap style zombies.

But there is one woman, Angela Mills, played by Myanna Buring (also in Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2), who doesn't get sick. Cole (Craig Fairbrass) is an head of security at the pharma company that caused the outbreak. He is also in the business of cleaning up their secrets and, if need be, erasing them. Cole wants out, he is awash in guilt over the things he has done for money and is ready to chuck it all. As luck would have it the head lab geek lets him know that Angela might be the key to saving humanity if she is, indeed, immune. But she must be found. Cole sees this as his chance for redemption and embarks on a quest to find her and make sure she survives.

Along the way you will encounter the predictable characters you see in all survival type films. The couple who will gladly sacrifice anyone they happen upon to ensure their own survival. The jealous boyfriend Joe (Danny Dyer) who sees Cole as a threat to his manhood and a few selfless heroes.

The movie is long on action, features half-developed characters and is generally an incomplete thought. Cole is supposed to be a conflicted anti-hero type but it never really amounts to much and frankly you aren't going to care.

It's a well acted film with a decent budget that gives you brain munching, wall climbing zombie action. It's just fun and worth an hour and a half of your time if you have Netflix.