The Invasion

I guess Nicole Kidman is jealous that her ex, Tom Cruise, is beating her down the "career suicide" slide. If you're Kidman and you want to destroy what's left of your carrer but you also don't want to join a cult full of bat-shit crazy people to do it, what to do? Make movies like The Invasion, that's what.

Can't wait for that Nicole Kidman box-set in Walmart: The Invasion, Bewitched, The Interpreter, The Stepford Wives and Cold Mountain. All for 9.99! It's been an extremely unfortunate path that the lovely, talented Kidman has taken lately. It's been a long, long time since the Others, hasn't it?

I don't even know where to begin with this thing. It's just a god-awful mess from start to finish. Among the noteable accomplishments of the film:

1. Managed to make Daniel Craig look like a giant, dorky tool

2. Managed to squeeze in that "Dog's can tell the difference when they sniff an alien" thing, for the 10,000th time in movie history.

3. Rammed in the droll, boring and sanctimonious dinner conversation, carried out by elites who try to make the case that humans, why, humans don't even belong in the world! So vile are they, say the intellectuals, the academics, so vile we may be better off if aliens did conquer us!

Aside from being painfully predictable the movie just seemed half-hearted and lazy. The writers try to advance this point that if aliens took over our bodies maybe our wars would stop and we'd be nicer and blah, blah, you know the routine. So fine, if that's your point, if you have to explore that, then explore it. Let's look in detail at the concept, which has shades of communism, and deal with it. No? What's that? Let's just sprinkle in one obnoxious dinner conversation, mention Iraq 200 times and somehow work in a few references to Darfur and then drop it. Until the end, when humans win, then we can have Kidman gaze at the newspaper and wonder if she should have surrendered. Because humans are so, you know, atrocious. Except for Academics and Hollywood elitists, who are clearly more enlightened and should be spared from any alien virus because they're fine the way they are.

How lazy and what a rip-off. Explore your agenda or don't. But to just throw it out there, never develop it and wash your hands of it is just lazy. It's also cowardly because if the writer, Dave Who-Gives-A-Fuck-you'll-never-hear-it-again, had made a convincing argument than we would naturally have to spend the rest of the movie rooting against Kidman and for the aliens, right? Doesn't that sound fun.

It's just a terrible film, with terrible writing and terrible characters. If you look closely you can tell that everyone in the movie knows they're covered in turd. They ust shuffle through this mess and hope to make 10 more movies that move this shlock as far down the list of IMDB credits as possible.

One thing that happened here that was odd: To me, in my opinion, they managed to make Kidman look way hotter than she has in years. I don't know if she had a boob job or what, but they're pretty prominent here. In some cases almost comically so, like her boobs come into the picture before anything else.

The only thing Kidman can take from this piece of shit movie: At least you found a stylist and wardrobe person that make you look amazingly hot. They made her look 25 again. Although, that would mean she'd have more time to churn out movies like this, so it's really a lose, lose.

Avoid this thing at all costs. In fact, if the movie you want to see is positioned in such a way that you have to walk past the screen that Invasion is playing on, come back later. You should be safe in 4 to 6 hours when this thing ends it craptacular run on the big screen and gets pulled.